Imogen’s birthday, Mother’s Day, and my birthday all take place within the next ten days. Guess it’s no surprise I’ve been feeling nostalgic and reminiscing about birthdays and lives past! And looking at all the photos and marveling at how tiny little baby Immi was. *sob*
I’ve joked that my husband wanted to start a family right after our first date. It’s not too far from the truth, but I wasn’t in such a rush to have kids. I knew I wanted it to happen, but in a faraway future kind of way. Before we got married I told him we could start trying before I turned 30, and in my mind that meant in the year leading up to that birthday!
I got pregnant about two months after I turned 29, and Imogen was born exactly a week before my 30th birthday. Those first weeks with a newborn were exhausting and I was often grumpy (that can happen when you’re exclusively pumping 🙃). But that first time we met Immi, I told Josh it felt like I knew her already. I looked at her and knew she was our girl, that she was always meant to be with us. I kept that feeling and that knowing as close as I could those first several months of sleepless nights and new mom anxieties and endless bottle cleaning. I’ll never be one to say that momming is “easy,” parenting is absolutely one of the most difficult things you can do and I have never felt as busy as I do now. But for me, even with its challenges, it feels right. Cuddling with Imogen, teaching her how to swim, hearing her sing her first song, it feels right. My life is currently Peppa Pig and playground visits, and it is right where I’m supposed to be.
And that alludes to one of the most important truths I’ve been facing lately: Everything is temporary, and that is okay and even good. Life with a two year old is where we are right now. Sometimes I feel like a great mom and the house is running smoothly, and sometimes, well, I don’t and it doesn’t. But I find comfort in knowing that in five, ten, twenty years our life will look different again. I make great efforts to be present and enjoy where I am now, in part because I know it won’t last, and because I know I’ll want to enjoy all the future versions of my life, too. I suppose I’m trying to tell myself it’s ok to love the current state of things – like going to the park instead of the museum and watching more Sesame Street than news and being in bed no later than 9:30 – while also looking forward to the future (an uninterrupted 10 hours of sleep is my current dream). Sometimes we need a reminder, when we’re struggling to love where we’re at now, to envision the long-term. Because things will change and we can fall in love with our lives all over again.
Caitlin Chastain 